Are You Listening, U of M? It’s The ACLU -- Again

I heard it, but I just couldn’t believe it.

There she was, in front of TVcameras at a news conference, last Friday morning. There was Pam Wheelock, vice president for University Services, giving this unconstitutional statement for all to hear. She actually delivered this boo-boo:

“If you are here, you are part of the incident and you will be arrested.”

Wait a minute. That couldn’t be right. There had to be some mistake. So I turned to another station that was rebroadcasting her remark at the news conference. I even wrote down what she said, just to make sure I’d heard her correctly. Sure enough, what I’d heard and what I’d written down matched exactly. Exactly. Her remark came straight from the Department of If-You-Had-Any-Brains-You’d-Resign, Fascist Division. She actually said, “If you are here, you are part of the incident and you will be arrested.”

Incident? What was she talking about?

Ms. Wheelock was referring to those raucous, out-of-control street celebrations that often spontaneously erupt whenever any Gopher sports team actually wins.

On Thursday night (the day before her press conference) the Minnesota Gophers played North Dakota and won this big hockey game. That secured them a spot in the NCAA championships. OMG! That meant The Minnesota Gophers Hockey Team was going to play the big game on Saturday... and the U of M’s hockey team might even win the national championship!

But the thrill of Thursday’s victory alone totally freaked out a small group of young people on campus. According to reports from local print and broadcast media, a small but overactive group of twenty-somethings allegedly wreaked havoc on the streets of Dinkytown. Police officers had to resort to paintball guns, pellet guns, tear gas, and the rest of their riot gear repertoire to subdue this unruly, disorderly faction.

Apparently, whenever any Gopher team -- be it hockey, football or basketball -- wins, chaotic celebrations spill onto the streets. And when that happens that 1 per cent of the crowd that’s bat**** drunk starts damaging property and breaking all kinds of Minnesota Nice ordinances.

On Thursday night, light poles were climbed, bottles were thrown, tap-dancing and stomping took place atop police cruisers.

Shame on them! Disorderly drunks! Irresponsible, spoiled frat boys and girls! Sociopathic turds who aren’t even going to the U of M but want to tarnish the university’s reputation just the same!

I could go on and on. My point here is that they’re breaking the law and should be arrested and punished accordingly. Of course. Laws good, lawbreakers bad. So let’s arrest these lawbreakers, and allow our justice system to operate fairly and accordingly.

Unfortunately, Wheelock and the rest of the U intelligentsia deliberately ignored the cornerstone of our American Democracy: the civil liberties guaranteed in our Constitution.

In this country, you can’t legally be arrested for “aiding and abetting” if you happen to leave a restaurant and walk outside near a drunk who has smashed a car window. You can’t be legally charged and arrested for a crime you didn’t commit.

Of course, if you’re caught red-handed as you’re breaking a street light, that’s a different story. You ARE committing a crime. You ARE breaking the law.

But innocent bystanders who get trapped and stalled in a crowd with no way to move away and out of the mob? They’re not committing any crime. They’re not doing anything wrong. Even if they just stand and watch in amazement. Or report what’s happening. (TV reporters, take heed.)

And you’re not guilty just because the imperious cops arresting you think you’re guilty, either.

You’re STILL innocent until proven guilty -- unless you’re living in Putinland. Or in North Korea, where not cutting and styling your hair like the Great Leader is now a criminal offense.

American justice, however, has never demanded that innocent bystanders who are NOT breaking any laws should get arrested along with active participants who ARE committing crimes. It makes no legal or ethical sense to arrest law-abiding citizens along with the law-breaking ones. But that’s what Wheelock actually advocated.

To her credit, Wheelock did change her public comments --kind of.

By the time the evening news rolled around, she was saying “If you are here, you are part of the incident and subject to arrest.”  Subject to arrest?

So Wheelock’s remark went from “and you will be arrested” to “and subject to arrest.”

A slight variation but still pretty fascist.

For some reason, she must have thought that quote would sound better in the major dailies. It didn’t. How could it when she and her colleagues were turning over their university’s problem to police in riot gear who were ready to create a mini-police state? There’s nothing wrong with encouraging and safeguarding law and order. What went terribly wrong here was that University officials became too eager to toss out personal freedoms in order to keep the corporations and businesses around the U happy and profitable.

Wheelock and her cohorts chose big business and big money over individual rights of their students, campus employees, and others around the school. Think about that.

There’s simply no democracy for any individual anymore around the University of Minnesota these days. Earlier this year numerous students, even U employees, were getting assaulted in broad daylight. Some incidents involved attempted rapes and sexual assaults. But when reports of stolen laptops and iphones started snowballing, the U and law enforcement became interested. Remember what happened then?

Both cops and university officials joined forces -- IN BLAMING THE STUDENTS! It was their fault they were getting attacked and robbed because they were using their high-tech toys in plain sight of these criminals. Don’t be so obvious, kids. Don’t use your computers or cell phones in public where the bad guys can see them. Hide your stuff. Be cool.

Evidently, if bad things happen to any individual around campus, it’s always the fault of the individual. You’re not innocent until proven guilty. If anything goes wrong, you’re just guilty, period.

Likewise, if you’re around the U of M on the day (or night) of a big Gopher game, there is no democracy for you.

Forget about the Bill of Rights. Forget about the rest of Constitution, too. You’re in Gopher Country now, bitches.

Our U of M democracy is an on-again, off-again variation of American freedom -- not the real thing. That means you only have “rights” whenever and wherever we say you do. That’s what U officials were really saying at that press conference.

The local watering holes around campus have the right to get you stinking drunk. The University of Minnesota has no right, though, to encourage these businesses to close early, close entirely, or even impose a two drink maximum on patrons on the day of the big Gopher game. That wouldn’t be right. That would violate the rights of the corporation, company, or business selling liquor -- and they have every right to make money.

And you, as a paying individual, have every right to get drunk. Drink away! Get plastered out of your mind! Even suggesting that you do otherwise would violate your rights as an individual to pursue your own happiness.

At the university, we hold these rights to consume and sell liquor -- no matter how excessively -- to be sacrosanct.

But as soon as you leave that bar or restaurant, watch out! We can make sure you get arrested, even if you’re only in the vicinity of any unlawful “incident.” You don’t have to do anything wrong. You don’t have to do anything illegal. You don’t even have to be legally drunk or disorderly.

You just have to be “around here when IT happens.” Then you’ll be just as guilty as the guy throwing rocks and smashing car windows.

Oh, really?

Look, I know this isn’t the 60’s, but isn’t anyone just a little bit outraged over these undemocratic scare tactics? You should be. Everyone should be. It’s outrageous, in fact, that so many Minnesotans are so complacent about the University’s attack on personal freedoms. Especially when the U’s Stalinesque mindset helped create another fracas on Saturday night, after the Gophers lost the national championship.

The most disturbing aspect of the story, for me, is how little the media has questioned the actions of both the U and the police. Almost as if these professional journalists were afraid to criticize the police state . Almost as if they were afraid to criticize the ones who created such fascism...

Guess we’ll have to wait for the lawsuits to roll in before we start becoming appalled at these anti-American practices.