A Practical Guide to Internet Dating: Part II

After sorting through hundreds of Internet date candidates, you will discover that you have a number of e-mails in your “inbox” on the "Plenty of Fish" dating site.  You pick Plenty of Fish because is 100% free and you ingnore the old adage, "You get what you pay for."

Connecting

Someone has actually read your profile has been motivated enough to send you a note or comment and/or an invitation to respond. After you right-size your ego, you give their picture and profile a thorough examination to decide if it is OK or an OMG RTOW (“Oh My God, Run the Other Way.”) It also pays to quickly re-read your own profile to see if there is anything in there that you might have overstated.  Though you thought all along that you would make the selection it now turns out, they really select you. Always respond and thank them for taking the time to contact you. That is just good manners. If you are not interested, wish them good luck in their search.  

After seriously re-reading the note you have received so you fully grasp all 25 words of it, you re-read it for nuance, hints, hidden meanings and anything else cryptic you might draw from it. Then, you fire back a response. After exchanging a number of notes on the website, you shift to regular e-mail and begin a one-dimensional written courtship.

Because this is cyber communication, it is usually feels pretty non-threatening and non-intimidating. Kind of like e-mail “pen pals.” However, one of the drawbacks is that because it is so one-dimensional, trying to put your best foot forward in a couple of paragraphs is difficult.

Writing Has Its Pitfalls

Not all persons are “writer-types” and the potential for misunderstanding is high. Jokes, kidding, sarcasm, and allusions do not work and can be easily misinterpreted. Anything that needs a facial expression is likely to be confusing. So, play it straight. Most sites also have “chat” lines that allow communication similar to instant messaging. This is a little better and is more like dialogue but is, again, is very one-dimensional. If you are not a writer type, get to the phone as fast as you can or better yet, video chat. After all, the goal is to decide if there is enough mutual interest to meet. If you manage to make it past the written tests, you move on to the orals: the phone call. It is important to move on from e-mail to the phone as quickly as possible.

A Numbers Game

Over time, you get better at cyber dating because cyber dating is strictly a numbers game. The more people you correspond with, the more people you will meet and the better your odds are of finding that “right” person. The more practice you get the more at-ease you will be. Just consider it an opportunity to meet persons that you would never, ever otherwise have a chance in the world of meeting. It is true, that trying to establish a relationship off a snapshot and a short profile can be challenging, but it's certainly doable. The best tool to yet to accomplish that task is video chat. 

Video Chat

Video chat is now a significant part of the scene and it has added more to the cyber dating process than anything, so get used to it. It is now possible to video chat to see and hear the other person as they see and hear you- over your computer monitor and speakers. You can “meet” and get to know someone quite well without ever having physically met face to face. It is the next best thing to being there (especially if the person is a distance away.) You can really get to know each other on a video program, sometime even better than you could in person. It is less nervous and without all the distraction of meeting in a public place. All you need a video camera/mic set up (about $60 for a good one) if your computer does not already have one built-in. Best of all, video programs like Skype or Yahoo video messenger are free and very user friendly. If the other person does not and is not willing to video chat, tell them you will connect with them when they do move on to video chat.