The Human Nature of Men and Women

I have been a bartender now for quite a while. In doing so, I have learned a few universal truths. One of the big ones is, I am an untrained psychiatrist with limited pharmaceutical resources.

People will tell a bartender things they will not mention to their priest, doctor, or
family. Why you may ask? It’s simple really. We don’t judge. In some cases, we
just don’t care. It may even be that we are ignoring you, and you think we are
darn good listeners. Mostly it’s because they’re drunk and have no other outlet.
That being said, I have learned a lot about human nature. The biggest one is
between men and women.

Young lovers, spurned lovers, angry and/or betrayed lovers, we hear it all. So I am going to try and simplify a few things for you. Any person who tells you that
men and women are equal, slap them as hard as you can and get away from them! They are so dumb they are about to drive their car onto the sidewalk while
texting the person in the back seat! Men and women are almost as equal as a
penguin and a polar bear!

First off, men are so simple they are complicated. Women are so complicated they are simple. Women tend to be a lot smarter, more sensitive, have a better pain
tolerance, and are much more empathic then men. Men can carry crap. Lots of
crap. Furniture, boxes, your purse … you get it. We make good pack animals. Oh,
and we can dot an "i" in the snow.

Women tend to believe that men have the capacity to be emotionally deep. Here’s a great example. If a woman is asked how she is feeling, that woman will tell you. In detail. Ask a man, and we go through a mental check list: I’m not tired, I’m
not hungry, and I have the remote control. “I’m good.”

Another one is, “What are you thinking?” Ladies, take it from me, when we say nothing … we mean nothing. There might be brief flashes of color, but for the most part it is all just mental static. Or we are thinking of someone naked. Either way, it is hard to verbalize this, so nothing it is.

This does not mean that we do not have feelings. We do. We just have no idea what those feelings are. Confused? Sad? Frustrated? We categorize those as anger. Lust? Attraction? Flirtation? That’s love! Happy? That’s beer, food, and a sporting event of some sort. (or a movie, Comic book, whatever the case may be.) For a man, we are hurt much more by an action than a word.

A woman? Both can do equal damage. And let’s face a few facts here kids, men can only get the words right about 50 percent of the time. Mostly because our brains can not figure out what they said that got them in trouble in the first place.
Again, peeing pack animals. We run a lot more on natural queues and instinct then our actual brains. At least until we reach an age where the brain actually
kicks in.

So, in short as to not bore everyone …

Men! Treat a the woman you love like a football. Don’t fumble it! Keep it close to your chest, and for Godsake take it into the end-zone every now and again and dance a little.

Women, treat us like pack animals! Pet us every now and again, feed us a carrot or two. Maybe talk to us in that cute baby talk and take us for a ride every once in a while.