What to do This Summer -- Before it’s Too Late (13 Things for 2013)

Every year, the same thing happens.

Every year, when September comes, I ask, “Why does summer always come and go so quickly?” Summer always comes and goes at warp speed while the other seasons stall in lava lamp time. Summer goes too fast -- like your favorite aunt who always dies too soon while the other mean ones live forever. It’s just not fair.

Summer is always so fleeting, but I anticipate its arrival more than any other season.

During the dark, frigid days of January, I dream of summer breezes. I long for the days when I can shed my puffy goosedown jacket for Bermuda shorts and tee shirts printed with obnoxious, senseless messages. The yearning comes when I clean out my sock drawer and come across that old ARCHIE BUNKER FOR PRESIDENT tee and actually become nostalgic. (What? Did I actually buy that or did someone give it to me? And why was it never thrown away?) Then I wistfully stuff it back with my other orphaned socks and sigh.

Messy drawers have a kindling effect on my psyche. Ah, memories... of “junk food!” Sugar Babies. Rainbow Taffy. I  even remember the war between Coke and Pepsi. I think about how good Fresca used to taste on a hot, humid day. Then I start yearning for hot days so I can start eating Dreamsicles again without fear of frostbite.

Pretty soon, I start praying for winter to end. It eventually does, of course, but never soon enough for me.

Springtime, with all its transforming flora and fauna, is just the warm-up for summer, anyway. It’s just a good-looking season that will never be hot like summer. When spring goes away and Memorial Day finally arrives, we can’t stop cheering. We can’t stop rejoicing now that the unofficial start of summer is finally here.

But next thing I know, it’s Labor Day. The leaves start falling, and all the kids start going back to school. What happened? Where did those months of hot beauty and joy go?

Q. Why can’t I ever celebrate my favorite season the way I should?
A. GreenDenial.

Like most Minnesotans, I get confounded by that extreme loss of ice and snow and cold. As much as I hate the frigid darkness, I can’t believe it’s really gone! What, no wind chill factor to put our lives in jeopardy? No more white-outs? No more ice storms to turn our roads into deadly skating rinks?

Gone, all gone. Winter’s finally gone...I just don’t quite believe it.

No matter how hard I try, it takes about three months for me to get used to this loss -- to accept the drastic climate change. By the time my body and soul finally adjust to the change, summer’s gone. Hello, Autumn.

This year, though, things are going to be different. Really different. This year, the by-products of the Summer Solstice are going to become the stuff happy memories are made of. I’m going to find ways to overcome my GreenDenial and embrace the season at hand.

So here’s the mother of all to-do-lists, ready to be activated, the list I’m going to follow for the next three months. It’s a simple yet effective itinerary for all. In case you find yourself staring at verdant lawns and wondering where all the snowdrifts have gone, start following this plan.

1. Actually walk around a lake.
Come on, you know you want to encircle a large body of water on your own two feet and then tell everybody you were “at the lake.” You know the exercise would be good for you. Now that the ice has finally melted, you should do a lakewalk at least once a week now.

It’s Minnesota, it’s summer, and I think they just made lakewalking a new state law or something.

2. Refuse to do what Dr. Oz tells you to do -- even if it IS for your own good.
He doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know what’s best for you, either. Only you know what works and what doesn’t work with your own body. So next time Dr. Oz tells you to drink a cup of hot water with lemon in it to cleanse your liver, don’t do it. Man up. Choose your own beverage.

3. Start Taking (and Keeping) photographs again.
The technology is there. So for God’s sake, take that photograph! Christmas and Hanukkah holidays aren’t the only times for memory-making. You have to realize that those little, insignificant things going on in hot weather are worth turning into visual keepsakes, too.

4. Make Time to Actually Sweat.
Perspiration might be gross and smelly, but it’s also summery good. Besides, if you’re kind of attractive to begin with, those little beads of sweat can really enhance your appearance -- even highlight your so-so features.

Sweat can give your skin that glistening “movie-star look” for way less than pennies a pore. Hey, your body naturally perspires, free of charge. Take that, you overpriced, overrated spas!

5. If you do decide to stay indoors, make the most of it.
Surround yourself with beauty and knowledge in air-conditioned comfort. Hang out at museums. The Museum of Russian Art is nearby, in South Minneapolis. The Richfield History Center is only blocks from the high school. Stay cool AND stimulate your brain.

6. Make a hygiene kit for World Relief Minnesota.
I started doing this over a year ago, and it’s actually fun to do.

World Relief Minnesota (STAND/ FOR THE VULNERABLE) is a charitable organization that helps refugees -- let’s call them newcomers who are strangers in a strange land. Although the website lists various donations they’d be happy to take, I decided to make my own individual hygiene kits.

They’re really easy to make. You take a sturdy, freezer gallon plastic bag. Then you fill it with the following items: shampoo, conditioner, disposable razor, washcloth, deodorant, bar of soap, toothbrush, and tube of toothpaste. Eight little items, that’s all. But these eight things will be appreciated by the organization that distributes them and the newcomers who receive them.

Summer is a good time to get started on assembling these little care packages because then you can take advantage of all the sales. Pay attention to the ads and clip those coupons, and you’ll be able to find a lot of stuff at reduced prices. If you buy in bulk, you can turn out 5-10 kits at a time.

7. Spend an entire day doing nothing -- without feeling guilty about it.
Easier said than done, but still possible. An old Spanish proverb says, “How beautiful it is to do nothing...and then rest afterward.” Wood Lake is a long ways from Barcelona, though, and old beliefs about working hard vs. hardly working die hard. So, think of “doing nothing” as giving your work ethic a much-needed day at the beach.
8.Go see Richfield's 4th of July Parade.
Both classic and nostalgic, it’s a summer tradition. Yeah, you might think it’s a little kitschy parade NOW, but years ago it was the ONLY Fourth of July Parade around. Back then, no other communities in the metro area bothered to celebrate Independence Day with a parade. Richfield was the first.

9. Buy a hula hoop and try to get it to work.
You’ll either end up real sore or real lively. The choice, as always, is yours to make.

10. Figure out what scares you the most, then learn all about it.
Do tornadoes scare the crap out of you? They should. Any sensible human being should be terrified of cyclones. But you can’t let the fear rule your life and immobilize you. So find out all you can about them.

Launch your own visionquest about tornadoes. Go to the public library, the Science Museum of Minnesota, contact members of the SkyWarn Network. Find out all you can about this frightening force of nature. That’s what little Dave Dahl did. That’s probably why this survivor of the ‘60s tornado outbreak in Fridley became a meteorologist.

Knowing and learning more about what scares you usually makes it less scary.

11. Turn off your TV and replace the blank screen with music from your radio.
Start living with more sound, less visuals. Pay attention to what it does to your brain and other senses. (Don’t worry. There’s nothing good on TV during the summer, anyway. So you won’t miss anything.)

12. Celebrate summer with others at any one of Minnesota’s billion festivals.
From Lumberjack Days to the Minneapolis Aquatennial to the cult of the raspberry, there’s literally something for everybody   to celebrate. Contact Explore Minnesota for a silly celebration near you.

13. All right, All right, it’s OK to watch Dr. Oz’s  TV show once in a while.
He does have some good health tips and info. Not just during the summer but all year long. Just don’t overdo it. You might miss something good going on outside -- and summer is the season we can’t afford to miss in Minnesota.