The Day AHA! Turned into WTF!

I knew Armageddon was close at hand when Miley Cyrus tried to make dry humping seem cute by calling it twerking. But I never suspected the downfall of civilization in Richfield would come at the corner of 66th and Nicollet, right on the east lawn of the Academy of Holy Angels.

Look, I know the administrators and parents of these students might want new equipment for the hockey team and state-of-the-art laptops for the kids. That’s understandable. Money can buy a lot of good, educational things. But do you have to destroy part of the school to get it?

Must you allow corporate billionaires to build a strip mall on what (used to be) your school’s front lawn? Must you sacrifice that unexpectedly verdant oasis that keeps urban congestion at bay? Do you really have to destroy the tranquil and idyllic setting of your educational institution?

Well, no, you don’t HAVE to any of those things. But AHA is supposedly considering turning its green property into another Starbucks and CVS Drug Store.

According to a front page article in the “Richfield Sun Current” that appeared on Thursday, October 24, 2013, this development “offer” is pretty much a done deal.

Semper Development offered Holy Angels $6 million dollars in cash -- 6 times the land’s appraised value -- to buy part of the school’s east lawn by Nicollet Avenue and 66th Street. This sale would reportedly help pay off the school’s debt (about $10 million dollars acquired over the past 20 years). And the tentative name for this big sell-out is “Mission Shops.” Secular-sounding, yet religious, too! Holy construction site!

Who among you greedy bastards could resist such a tempting offer -- especially when it involves CVS Pharmacy?

Of course, this plan involves CVS Pharmacy. Just because this drug store wants to remain anonymous doesn’t mean residents are too stupid to know what’s going on here.

We know. We get it.

The big give-away in the article came when one of the potential tenants was characterized as a “Walgreens-like drug store...” Uh-huh. Sorry, we already figured out your secret identity. The clues were there all along.


1. When it’s “Walgreens-like,” it’s got to be you-know-who because you-know-who continually competes with and positions itself against Walgreens...in an obvious AND deliberate manner.

2. This “Walgreens-like drug store” is proposing to locate itself directly across the street from an actual Walgreens that is currently in business. That’s also part of the MO: Move into town and occupy the older Mom and Pop stores, or else, build a brand new drug store right next to another established drugstore.

3. Once this big box moves into town, its stores multiply like rabbits on farm with blind cats and dogs.

Holy Angels has apparently forgotten that our area already has a plethora of these drug stores. It isn’t enough, though, that there’s one right next to a Walgreens on York Avenue in nearby Edina. It isn’t enough that one took over the spot at 66th and Penn when another older, established drugstore and Davanni’s used to operate. No, these bad boys won’t be happy until they break the Ubiquitous-Starbucks-on-Every-Block record. (They could do it, too.)

But Mother of God, how many corporate chain pharmacies does one Urban Hometown need? There are only so many prescriptions to fill, so many health and beauty products to buy...

4. Besides the greed from Holy Angels, there’s also another reason to green light this offer: the school has no other choice.

Holy Angels can’t say no to CVS. They can’t turn down the offer. No one ever can.

5. Another important component in the modus operandi of CVS is its excess of money, money, money. This corporate chain wants to expand so they want your property and/or your existing stores. And they don’t like it if you stand in the way of their planned expansion.

First, they’ll offer you big bucks for your land or store. Say no, and they’ll offer you even more money. Keep saying no, and they’ll keep waving -- maybe throwing -- more and more money your way. Keep refusing, though, and they’ll start visiting your city or county or state offices. They’re very persistent.

Now, of course, I can’t say they’ll start waving money at these public employees because that would imply bribery or under-the-table backroom deals. And that’s not what I’m implying or stating at all.Goodness, no! The public officials in Richfield, Hennepin County, and the State of Minnesota have way too much integrity to stoop to anything that low. All I’m reiterating is money talks, money gets results.

How many public servants working in any managent / development capacity could keep turning down such lucrative proposals?  Very few, it seems. If they had been questioning some things just a little more, this business wouldn’t be expanding the way it has -- and destroying other, smaller businesses in its wake, either.

Very few people, in fact, can stand up to the pervasive pr campaign CVS relentlessly wages. Even news reporters have no immunity to the miasma of such business-oriented publicity. Little wonder that almost half of this article discusses the vast uselessness of Holy Angel’s green lawn.

Oh, to be sure, the “other side” was somewhat represented in the piece. An alumni of AHA (whose mother also served Richfield for sixty years by working in various committees, councils, and commissions) lamented the loss of the “incredibly gorgeous” lawn.

But then, the reporter strategically included opinions from another guy who lives across the street from the school. Not only did this neighbor NOT oppose the development, he was quoted as saying he never sees any kids on the lawn.

That seemed to be the significant “however.” This beautiful lawn simply isn’t being used or used for anything. It’s a wasted space, so let’s use it. All in all, this article raised at least seven or more points about the lawn’s utter uselessness. That became the focus of the article: how this property served no useful purpose.

Even a featured photograph carried this caption: “The east lawn at Academy of Holy Angels in Richfield gets little use, according to statements from the school. The doors facing the lawn have not been regularly used since 1985.”

Instead of giving readers information so they could form their own opinions about the development, this article built a case for destroying the lawn and building the strip mall. In doing so, another more important point was completely bypassed.

With lawns, as with any plants or trees in an urban landscape, it’s not what you do with them. It’s what they can do for you. They suck up carbon dioxide and give off oxygen. They help us breathe. They also help us see and feel something besides hard, cold, unforgiving concrete.

Instead of selling out, AHA should be developing its lawn into an eco-friendly garden. Then everyone could experience how herbs, fruits, flowers, and vegetables could really make a difference in people’s lives. A community garden could be created so students could learn the joys of giving and growing nutritious foods. Even small herbal and floral gardens could teach young people about landscaping and natural healing. (Holy Angels could probably get eco-grants and awards for doing so, too.) Too bad everybody’s going along with these corporate talking points and kvetching about how the lawn has no use, no real purpose.

Not true.

Even without the emerald aesthetics, going green is always a good idea. That’s what Holy Angels had been leaning towards for generations, anyway. Too bad AHA got blinded by hard, cold cash. Too bad the resident braintrust couldn’t have learned from their financial missteps, either.

Hey, I’m no renowned financier, but even I can see how badly they’re screwing up on this deal. Common sense says if you’re saddled with a $10 million debt, you’d better learn how to add and subtract. AHA is only going to get $6 million dollars from the sale. So if they go along with the plan -- which is what, it seems, they’re planning to do -- they’re still going to be short $4 million dollars. Duh!

If avarice is your favorite sin, don’t be so half-assed about it. Nix the six million and hold out for ten million. Never accept the first offer when big money is involved, no matter what.

But why am I telling you illustrious financial advisors how to conduct your affairs? You already think you know everything. So build your coffee shop, yogurt shop, and “Walgreens-like drug store.” Go ahead. And I’ll be praying to St. Matthew all the while so you won’t get too ripped-off.

Then I’ll keep lighting candles for all the elitist, clueless Catholics in charge who think they’re so much better and smarter than the rest of us. Amen.