This post was contributed by a community member. The views expressed here are the author's own.

Health & Fitness

Rent-a-Vet to the Rescue

It’s that time of year again, and my BFF is taking it pretty hard. As usual.

These days, he’s overwhelmed with anger, dread, sadness, regret, emptiness, heartache -- especially heartache. He’s experiencing the holiday blues but not the kind you think. Not because he’s going to have to spend Thanksgiving with his dysfunctional family. Not because he’s going to have to spend another angst-ridden Christmas alone, either.

No, it’s because Monday, November 11th is Veteran’s Day... and he’s a veteran. He just can’t take the hypocrisy anymore. It’s becoming too upsetting for him.

If you’re a veteran yourself, you already kind of know what I’m talking about. But if you’re 100% civilian, then sit right back and read as I try to help you understand.

BFF served his country proudly and bravely during the Vietnam war. As you probably know, however, no brass bands or friendly faces were there to greet him on his return. In both the little towns of Minnesota and larger burgs like Rochester, strangers would yell “Baby Killer!” at him whenever they saw him in uniform. Nice welcome home.

Just recently, though, after the wars in Iraq, Pakistan, and Afghanistan, citizens started something new. They began personally honoring their veterans. Strangers actually started thanking BFF for his service.

Of course, he’s been out of uniform for decades. But he does wear a baseball cap with “Vietnam Vet” on it. Sometimes, he wears tee-shirts and jackets with similar military ID. So people know he’s a veteran, and they react to this information with respect and gratitude. For the past two years now, people everywhere have been walking up to him and shaking his hand. They even tell him, “Thank you for your service.”

Suddenly and unexpectedly, a lot of strangers have started being really nice about his time in Nam. No matter where he is -- at church, the Y, grocery store or coffee shop -- someone will approach him and extend appreciation. So far, he’s been pleasantly surprised and genuinely touched.

So what’s the problem?

The problem here is that too many of these graciously grateful citizens are also the first to complain whenever veterans like him get any breaks. Medical care, affordable housing, job training and retraining, VA Loans -- you name it, they’ll say it’s not fair. But then another patriotic holiday like Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day, or Independence Day will roll around. And then these same Americans who are crying “No fair!” will start waving the flag again. It’s almost like they’ve gotten locked into a dysfunctional exercise routine: CHEER! KVETCH! WAVE FLAG!

RAH! RAH! RAH! “Thank you for your service,” then, “How come you’re getting all those benefits?”

For BFF, this congrats/kvetch combo sounds like just more of the same doubletalk that the Army -- then the VA -- has been giving him for years. What gets him is how these superpatriots can’t connect the dots to their own ironic behavior.

It’s not the hypocrisy that really gets him, though. It’s that these hypocrites have no idea that any hypocrisy is actually going on. They’re trying to respect veterans, but they don’t understand how disrespectful this contradiction between their words and actions can be.

BFF only wishes people would make up their minds about him and his service.

If you’re that appreciative of his war record, then why resent any government aid that might come his way?

On the other hand, if you really believe any help he might receive is the same as welfare entitlement, then why keep waving the flags and going to the parades?

Make up your mind. Show a little logical consistency. Or at least, realize you’re suffering from cognitive dissonance when it comes to God, Country, and those other people who end up in the wars you don’t want to go to.

Still confused, dear reader?

Still having trouble understanding BFF’s position? Try this little experiment and see what happens.

Next time you’re chit-chatting with the neighbors or gathering by the office cooler, bring up the subject of property taxes. Start a little give and take. Politely listen to others in the group as they give out their costs in dollars and cents.

Then when it’s your turn, simply say, “I don’t pay any property taxes.” Chances are, wherever you are, you’ll be able to hear a pin drop. Then someone will eventually have the presence of mind to ask you, “Why not?” That will be your cue to explain, “I’m a disabled veteran, and in Minnesota, that means I’m exempt from paying property taxes on my home.”

See how many of your “friends” will still be on speaking terms with you after you drop that bomb.

Needless to say, in this state there are all kinds of hoops you’d have to jump though -- even if you did qualify. You’d have to have the right kind and amount of disability: You’d have to be 100% permanently disabled. You’d have to have the right certification too: The VA would have to validate that medical claim in writing. Then the right paperwork would have to be sent to the appropriate office in the county and state. Also, the worth of the property in question could not exceed $300,000, either.

So, even if you could qualify for this tax exemption, getting qualified for it wouldn’t be an easy feat.

No matter. Just the possibility that a veteran would be able to get such a financial break sends most civilians into serious bouts of jealousy and resentment. And yet, these same green-eyed citizens would continue to thank veterans for their service. And shake their hands. And wave those flags.

Now to most veterans, that seems a lot like, “God bless you, Soldier, and now we’re going to cut off your benefits because being a veteran doesn’t mean you should keep getting free rides for the rest of your life, but thanks for your service.”

My solution to this Star-Spangled hypocrisy is simple. For that feel-good patriotic rush all you flagwavers crave, try Rent-a-Vet. It’s the perfect way to get all that handshaking, backslapping gratitude out of your system and over to the guys who are expendable -- and always will be expendable.

Go ahead, rent them for your little parades and red, white, and blue soirees. You’ll feel better. So will the vets. Why, they might even make a few bucks for food and cigarettes. Then everyone will be happy.

Oh, and before I forget, God bless the United States of America.





We’ve removed the ability to reply as we work to make improvements. Learn more here

The views expressed in this post are the author's own. Want to post on Patch?